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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in alexandra's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, January 18th, 2009
9:11 am
i'm legit signed up, paid/registered for the Gloucester triathlon on August 9th of this year.

1/3 mile swim, 15 mile bike, 5k-3.2 mile run.

I gotta go to the Y a little later today to get my membership back so I can start swimming again. Last year my swim time for the Nantasket tri- which was a 1/4 mile open water was 15 minutes or something, which is kind of shitty but kind of not all things consider. My bike ride, which was 12 miles, was just around 40 minutes - also just meh, and i didn't do the run portion, my cousin jami did.
No relay team this year! It's all on me.

I drank too much last night and went out with jay and clayton and got pissed at jay because he needs to get over the fact that I dated guys before him and goddammit stop feeling so fucking inadequate and making snide comments, eh?
So I went to the white heart, ha, shitty in and of itself and then for some reason went to Slainte and had a black and tan then went to Mobil and got chips and cheese sauce and now i wanna die.
i drank an absurd amount and a 4 pack of Sparks, ew, right?

i guess I graduate college in 6 classes - 4 this semester, which starts on Tuesday, and two this summer, because apparently i failed math. Me? Fail math? Go figure.

I had my graduate school application set and ready to go, but then i had to go ahead and be bad at numbers and had to withdraw my app until 2010. whatever.

i'm having surgery on thursday. my parents are coming up that morning and then i'm staying at the freakin' Eastland hotel with them for two nights in case i need help rolling over or wiping my ass or something.

i saw gran turino - amazing. i saw slumdog millionaire - pretty damn good.

i need more friends up here. i say that but i wonder how true it is.

I want a realllly old typewriter and civil war photos to grace my bulletin board.

I got an above average score on my Praxis I essay portion.

I'm gonna go get breakfast and walk to two feet to the Y ON HIGH and ya.

(pee on your feet)

Wednesday, December 31st, 2008
11:08 am
oh would you look at that.
It's the last day of the year.
Guess who wasn't so good about updating her livejournal the past few months?

I'm alive and somewhat well and still in Maine and ready to go to bed and wake up tomorrow and be done with the "excitement" of the turnover.

6 more classes  = probably done with undergrad = bike ride from portland to prince edward island.

i'll let ya know how it goes...if i remember i own this.

ALTHOUGH! Athough, I do read my friends page pretty regularly...I'm just shit with posting/commenting.

and there it is.

(3 have to take a pisss |pee on your feet)

Tuesday, August 26th, 2008
5:51 pm
summer isn't over for another month or so and i still have to swim in swimming holes, ride my bike that thirty miles and finish an incomplete i took in a summer course.
'08 consisted of friends getting married, friends falling apart, futures being realized and time spent in motion.
i am going into my last year of (finally!!!) undergrad and it's only taken almost 9 years but i will be happy when it's done. next year is graduate school and maybe one day i'll have a real person job.

i was supposed to do an entire triathlon this summer and i got a coach and trained but now i'm only doing part of one as i can't run at all and the race i'm doing has the run on sand. No way I'm running 3 miles on a beach. So, I'm doing a relay team with my cousin and i will swim the 1/4 mile and bike the 10 and she will run the 3 and we will be a team and win and maybe get a medal.

i am 26 now and still live with my boyfriend and his turtle and we are a family and i am okay with this and my life and im going to get some sweet tea from the mobile because that's the classy place to get it.



(pee on your feet)

Sunday, May 18th, 2008
5:58 pm
what else is new...
what's interesting enough to post after three months, i wonder?

I survived my first year at USM with B+'s across the board.  I am going summer session right now and taking intermediate algebra (the third in a series of three that don't count for credit cause i'm math stupid) and intro to comm. At the second half of the summer I'm talking Math for Quantitative Decision Making (for 4 credits...the one that "counts") and Research Methods in Communication. I'm taking 4 classes in the fall, four next spring and I. AM. DONE!!! I can't believe I will, after 9 years, have my BA. It's been a long time coming.
More than likely I am going to apply to the StoneCoast Creative Writing MFA program, although I have no idea if I'll even get in. If I did, I'd start next summer.

What else...

ahh fuck it.  Here's some bullet points:

*Ran my first 5k in March.
*Did not die/vomit/pass out/come in last
*Currently training for a triathlon on August 24th down in kennebunk
  -1/2 mile swimm.
  - 15 mile bike ride
  - 3.2 mile run.
*I may explode afterwards
*I still live with Jason. We still have Otis the turtle. I still really want a non-shedding dog.
*I have lost about 20lbs since last summer with 50 more to go. Everyone always says "but NOT that much...really?" yes, really. I am way heavier than I look.
*Have a work study job.
*Haven't had a car since December and so far so good. It makes me less lazy and I don't waste money on gas so thats a good thing.
*I'm going White Water Rafting in a week and am doing the Kennebec River on Saturday and Dead River on Sunday. I can't wait.
*I have to see a Gastroenterologist...or fancy word for a stomach dr., next week because my stomach is still all sorts of crazy. For lack of being outwardly gross...everything I eat comes right back out within 10 minutes. NO FUN!!! I can't even eat at work cause I'm afraid of "getting sick" at the office.

That's about it.

i have a busy summer ahead of me. i just posted an ad to start a women's writing group up here in Portland. I'm going to be in my sister in another life's wedding in August. Lots of parties and busy weekends.

I can't really complain!!!

(pee on your feet)

Sunday, July 15th, 2007
4:21 pm
please please please please please please please pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaseeeeeeee work out. I will be forever grateful, forever in debt, forever HAPPY if this just happened, and worked, and made my life a lot easier by being harder.
Can't say what. Can't jinx, can only really really really hope that my phone rings.

Sorry for the cryptic note, guys and girls.

I'll be more forthcoming when I actually know what it is I'm saying please for.


(pee on your feet)

8:39 am
the only person that's ever going to care 100 per cent about yourself, is you.

i'm probably going to retire this lj soon. I don't put anything into anymore. It saw me through my mass. comm and umass and nicholas years. It saw me through a bunch of stuff that has either brought me up or smashed me down.

I have my mind made up on a few things.

Not relating to that previous sentence, in quick bullet points, here is some "news":

- birthday sucked, was good, sucked, was good, whatever. It's just a birthday and I no longer officially care from here on out.

- I'm 25. Holy shit. I'm probably at my mid-life right now. awesome.

- paid off a credit card completely. This is probably the biggest news of the summer. One left and that's it. I'm going to cut up the one I paid off this week, when I know it is officially said and done.

- Can not, for the life of me, get a job anywhere. I have tried for almost two months now. I have had two interviews. One was for making seven freaking dollars an hour. I didn't get hired. Talk about low self-esteem.

- Know what I want to focus on and "do" and "be" and all that shit. Only I'm not telling anyone. It's bad karma and I've jinxed myself enough.

- Looking to move into a new place for the fall but so far, no luck.

- TRYING to eat healthier. Not doing the best job, but it's a lifestyle change, not a two second decision so I'm ok with going slow. I am taking it day by day.

- On a tight tight budget and so far...ok. Not great, but not bad. We have not had cable t.v. since april or may I think. Maybe even March. Done ok so far without it. Sometimes I miss just laying around watching crappy shows, but other times I'm glad for the lack of it.

- Got four books for five bucks (ha!) and the goodwill yesterday afternoon. I have already read one and a half of them.

- scheming, scheming, scheming.

- Children's books, children's book tattoos.

- young adult lit.

- storylines.

- summer in maine.

- Jason broke two bones in three places in his right hand. Partially due to me (not directly) partially due to lack of self-control. I tend to egg people on sometimes, though.

- If I ever get rich/a second job/no more student loans/etc. I want a nose job and my boobs smaller.

- Chapbooks.

- went kayaking and had a blast with sunburnt legs and murky-water fingers.



(5 have to take a pisss |pee on your feet)

Monday, June 18th, 2007
8:21 pm
I only get one body. I have to take as good care of myself as possible. I think it's finally sinking in. I went for a bike ride all around portland today for the first time ever and I feel great. It's not usually the exercise or activity itself, it's getting the energy to do it. I have to try more often.
I hope you're all well.
I turn 25 in three weeks. I really want a sewing machine and to go whitewater rafting.
Crystal - YES i did get your gift and thank you very much and that was the best magnet everrrrr. I promise I'm sending something soon. Promise promise.
I go for biopsy:round 2, fight! on wednesday. That's what I'm calling it now. Biopsy: round 2, fight!

i gotta sweet potato fries to eat!


(1 have to take a piss |pee on your feet)

Thursday, May 17th, 2007
9:41 pm
it's pretty lame and a big waste of time to hate someone from your past so much, especially when you really only knew them for a year and a half and in the end, you didn't really know them all that well.

(pee on your feet)

Saturday, May 12th, 2007
6:35 pm
my mom told me today that my dad wants to plan a trip to Ireland with her for sometime next year. I think Jason and I could go if we really really realllllly saved money. I know my great grandmother was born on the island of Valencia so my mom wants to check that out. (good luck trying to find a grave, though...her maiden name was "Sullivan")

I've never been abroad. It'd be fun, but probably expensive.

Also, I went too two bars in quincy last night, with heather, and the second one, almost everyone had a brogue. It was great. I asked the band if next time they could play "waltzing matilda" and they said i should have requested. I only didn't because I was pretty sure it was an australian song...they assured me it would have been fine.

The lump/goiter (i hate that word, it makes me sound wicked old) is now visible in the front of my throat. I have a bad feeling about the biopsy.

I'm at home in Ma. til tomorrow morning then getting jason in boston and heading back to maine.

same old, as usual.


(pee on your feet)

Friday, April 20th, 2007
11:18 pm
long update cause it's been awhile and I'm ridiculously bored.
It's 11:20 on a friday night and I'm not doing anything. I'm a loner, for the most part. I'm never one to have a ton of people around me, but it is kind of a bummer to be in a city where I really don't know anyone. I have the co-workers for newbs. but I'm not really "friends" with them. Plus, I technically don't work there anymore since they had no hours and now I'm just "on-call"
I am kind of friendly with this kid ben who works there, and he was going to call me around 11 tonite, but obviously I haven't heard yet.
Jason works overnight, so he's sleeping right now and really i haven't done anything at all aside from return a journal I won't use to borders, rent a video (quinceara) and drink some diet coke with some knob creek bourbon mixed in.

I'm debating going home to Massachusetts tomorrow. I really can't afford it, but it'd be nice to see my friends. Melissa's birthday is on sunday, and her and some of her friends are going to fanueil hall tomorrow night.
F.h. isn't really my thing, and I def. don't have money to begin with, but I want to see Melis and spend some time with her. Maybe I'll take her to breakfast sunday morning or stop by (i've probably talked to you by the time you read this melis, hope we had a fun weekend ;) )

I filled out my FAFSA online tonite. The more I think about it, the more I'm mad that I could probaby have my BA as well as being on my way to an MFA by now. I graduated Mass. Comm with my associate's in 2002. If I had stayed at UMass Boston I would have had my Bachelor's in Anthropology by 2004. Instead, i went for three semesters, dropped out of two of them (hey, i had mono forever!) and barely passed the third.
I decided I hated UMass and went to the community college for human services. I made it a year with really good grades when I decided I wanted to transfer to Fitchburg state college so I could get my Ba. in special ed. Went there in 2005. Special ed major wasn't my thing, came to the realization I don't want to be a teacher, and switched my major to English. Second semester at FSC, I start off strong but fall into a deep depressive state, gain a ton of weight, have no motivation/energy, sleep a million hours a day and stop trying (this could all be explained very soon) I pulled my gpa up from the first semester at FSC, but not enough to qualify for financial aid, so unless I was able to pay up-front I couldn't afford to go. My parents freaked out and so, in a way to get them to "shut-up" I enrolled in a three-month phlebotomy program that started in July '06. Finished the program in October and got fucked on my externship. Moved to Maine as planned, to live with Jason, who had been living up here by himself since September.

This leads me to now. I am not doing anything useful or productive with my life. I work 15 hours a week and accomplish nothing. I enjoy the work I do, with a special needs teenager. I've realized now that Special Ed. is something I like to do as a part-time job but not something I want to make a career out of.

I have soooo many freakin' credits that I essentially HAVE a BA, it's just that, with so many major-switches, and different schools and courseloads, the credits are all over the place and they don't all equal up into one degree.

Sooooo, to make my original point, I applied for my FAFSA because I'm thinking of going back to school again in the fall. Not full time, like i've done in the past. Maybe only 2 or 3 classes. I'm thinking I'm going to major in Communcations with my focus on media writing and maybe minor in english (I might have those credits already taken care of anyway). I think that communcations is probably the major that I have the most credits towards anyway, and when I was at Mass. Comm., I always did really well with that stuff. I wouldn't be lying if I said that I was picking it because I think it will be the easiest way for my to get my degree. Having a BA opens so many doors compared to just have an AS. and definitely more than just having a diploma.

I barely made any money last year and I'm hoping that the FAFSA comes through and hooks me up. I haven't applied to any colleges up here yet. I really want to try for University of Southern Maine, but I don't know if my latest gpa is high enough to get in. It would be so convenient though, as it's right down the street, literally, i could walk there, and it's cheap. Also, not that I want to rely on loan money, but it would be amazing if I did qualify for grants and whatnot and if I were able to get some money towards and apartment. Also, because I'm 24, I qualify as an independent, so i should technically qualify for more aid.

This post has gone on long enough I guess. I can't wait for the summer to be here permanently. I can't wait to get a pug dog when we move in the fall, and I really can't wait to hear about my fafsa.

hope everyone is doing well. I have to get a biopsy on my thyroid nodule thing. It has three outcomes: 1. Non-cancerous=fine, there's nothing to do about it, leave it be 2. Inconclusive-take out the nodule or the lobe, not sure which...it sounds horrid, but I'm kind of hoping for this outcome, at least maybe if they took out the damned nodule i might feel better and 3. Cancerous and they remove my entire thyroid. I dunno why but I have a weird feeling in my gut it's going to be 2 or 3, as horrible as that sounds.

annnnnyyyyway, again, i hope you're all well and feeling great and wanting to do amazing things with your life. I finally put out a zine and if you would like a copy send me your address ted _ dancin at hotmail dot com (there are no spaces and obviously the at is the symbol, as well as the dot)



(pee on your feet)

Tuesday, April 10th, 2007
7:34 pm
told them so...
got my ultrasound results back.
had one done on my neck/thyroid last week.
i have a 2.1 cm nodule on my left thyroid lobe.
this could be and probably is the reason ive been feeling so shitty the past 1.5/2 years...
the reason for the unexplained weight gain, the fatigue, the dry skin, the memory loss, everything that's seemed weird to me could possibly be explained by this.
I have a meeting with an endocrinologist/specialist this coming friday at 10am.

It feel weird being happy about this, but it's not happiness, it's more like...i KNEW something was wrong with me and after 5+ different dr.'s and dr.'s saying i was "just depressed" i'm finally getting an answer.

ill keep this updated as i know. although noone reads lj anymore anyway.


p.s. do people just not pick up their phones anymore? i feel like anytime i call anyone i always get voicemail. weird.

(2 have to take a pisss |pee on your feet)

Monday, March 26th, 2007
10:38 pm
...well, isn't that the truth.
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

it says "
Based on your inputs it appears that you will not become a millionaire in your lifetime."

even my bank doesn't believe in me.


(1 have to take a piss |pee on your feet)

Tuesday, March 13th, 2007
9:05 pm
...because i don't feel
like writing a really long entry, I'll make the usual/typical bullet points and call it done.

- more than likely going skydiving then whitewater rafting the next day this coming summer for my 25th birthday. my cousin danielle and jason are probably coming as well.

- got the job i wanted. i really like the family i work for in the afternoon/early evening. not so found of the woman i work with during the day.

-have a table at the zine fair but not done with my zine.

-can not wait to go white water rafting again.

-am finally at a job that doesn't make me feel shitty about myself or other people at the end of the day.

-it pays decent as well

- i feel like i'll never get the apartment as clean as i want it.

- i never update livejournal anymore and feel like other people don't as well.

-want to raft the gauley in west virginia.

- still glad i'm living in maine and can't wait for it to officially be spring

-the meds were obviously not the cause of my huge weight gain as i've been off them for almost a year and only ten lbs. lighter than my highest weight.

- i have health insurance, thanks to jason, starting very soon!!!

- totally said "it's a power glove made of cum" yesterday.

- called the "sword" part of a swordfish a "snout" and a "beak"

- can't wait for pug dogs.


(2 have to take a pisss |pee on your feet)

Thursday, February 15th, 2007
11:25 pm
i really really really hope i have this job. i've interviewed with one family so far. they were so nice and it's really good when parents have a firm grasp on different treatments and programs for their special needs child.
i find out tomorrow if they thought i was a good match for them and their daughter and if so, i go and meet the girl next week some time. then, from there i go to the school with the case manager, learn her plan and then start working.
I also have the opportunity to work with another client, but a young woman instead of a young teenager. Both have mild m.r., but are higher functioning and not so inclined to behavioral issues.

This is what I really want to do. The money for this type of work is never going to be amazing, but the love for it usually outweighs it.

I also got some not-so-good news about my health this morning. I wonder if all these years of not eating fruits and vegetables have finally caught up to me.

I have endometriosis, a lump on my thyroid and some other weird thing i don't wanna write cause noone really wants to hear more about my girly parts.

Heather is coming up from Ma. this weekened on sunday. I'm working until 7 on saturday night. Maybe one of my newbury friends will wanna hang out or something since jason is going home to Ma.

also, I'm thinking of getting a table at the boston zine fair but not so sure. I'd have to bust my ass to finish stuff but I think it would be a great way to network, get writing out there, meet people, etc.

oh ya, i gotta go on "the pill" ew.

i hate my insides.


(1 have to take a piss |pee on your feet)

Tuesday, January 30th, 2007
10:50 pm
most of my writing is over here now: http://thenthatthere.livejournal.com

i had a job for two weeks, then quit it because i don't like making travel arrangements for people that can afford to pay 3 grand to drive a bmw from milan to venice for a week.

i may be slowly going insane and i drink a lot of tea now.

that's about it.

january 2007 is pretty much over and i don't have much to show for it.

(pee on your feet)

Sunday, December 31st, 2006
9:55 pm
r.i.p. 2006 - HAPPY BIRTHDAY 2007.
1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before?Read more...Collapse )

(1 have to take a piss |pee on your feet)

Wednesday, December 6th, 2006
8:58 pm
it's been a while and all i have to write is a stupid survey
2 years ago..Read more...Collapse )

I move to maine in four days. come hang out with me and my friends after my last shift at newbury comics tomorrow night. I'm really bummed to be leaving the co-workers of store09 behind, but it will be good to meet people up at store17 in soportland. i'm nervous that they'll hate me or something.


(pee on your feet)

Monday, November 20th, 2006
6:22 pm
it's time to get on that.
I haven't had this:
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

in so long.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

someone go get boba slush/tea with me soon??? I feel like I'm isolated a lot lately, and it's noone's fault except my own.

Also, I have a new journal that has only my writing in it. I've started to add some of you, mainly those that i think would appreciate it.


(9 have to take a pisss |pee on your feet)

Wednesday, November 15th, 2006
6:51 pm
i just completely lost my shit.
holy crap, i need to go somewhere.

(2 have to take a pisss |pee on your feet)

Tuesday, November 14th, 2006
2:20 am
i'm tired. so tired. i have sleep to do. i have work to dream.
family you don't know.

i know this is weird, and pretty much irrelevant and not worth anything to anyone who reads this. I just contacted someone who is related to me that i've never met. I THINK it's my mom's cousin, ed, who is a minister or priest (not sure which) out in Indiana, where my grandfather was from. I never met my grandfather, and when i found my second (third?) cousins email address, i thought it would be a good idea to contact him to get a better prospective of what he was like as a person.
i hope my cousin (or whatever relation he is to me) doesn't find it creepy that i wrote. i also hope he doesn't mention it to me mom. not that i care, but just because i dont' want her to think i went behind her back to ask someone else stuff about her father.

more and more lately i've been bummd out or upset over things in regards to family members i never knew, or didn't know well. idon't know why, it's not like you're ever going to know every member of your family.
i feel some weird bond with people who, as far as i know, never existed to me.

anyways, i'll post if i get a response.

things are weird lately.


(1 have to take a piss |pee on your feet)

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